This was my barbell the other day, before I added weight to it. I noticed it was wonky 'an accurate representation of my life' I quipped.
It started a train of thought that flowed through the whole of that training session and into the following week. 'I am a bit wonky. I have always been a bit wonky and thank goodness for that!!!'
Let me explain. For a long time in my life I felt like I was too wonky to fit anywhere. Not clever enough, not fast enough, not creative enough. I thought differently to others, choosing to believe in goodness and possibility only to be called naive. I acted like myself when I joined the corporate world only to be told I wasn't 'business like' enough - whatever that means, I still don't really know. When I became a facilitator I was crushed with self-expectation that I needed emulate the style of others - believe me I crashed and burned.
Then one day I had an experience that re-set my self belief in an instant. It was this that helped me to understand that embracing who I am, with all my bits of wonky, is the way for me to BE. This is the place where I feel at peace, confident, strong, creative and happy.
The Re-Set
I travelled to my friend Derek Clark's stables in Gloucestershire with a colleague of mine Veronica Smith. He did exec coaching using his horses - we called him a horse whisperer and we were invited to experience what he does, I was exited to go.
He said for us to bring a challenge in mind, something that we had been struggling to overcome. So I did, and we took a moment to choose the horse that we wanted to work with. I chose Denny.
We went into the arena and Derek set the challenge of getting Denny to move from one corner of the arena to the next. 'well that sounds easy' I thought. So in my over confident state I took hold of her lead rain and pulled. Denny resolutely stayed put. 'hmm' I thought 'that didn't work'. I pulled even harder, getting a little embarrassed that I couldn't do it, there were people watching me after all.
'How are you getting on Colleen' Derek said 'ummm not so well' I replied.
'what could you do differently to be successful do you think? he asked 'I could give her a polo, maybe???
'Ok so you want to bribe her??'
Crikey I thought, that's not what I meant 'Nooo, I meant it as a motivational thing' I said
Derek then magically produced some polos from his pocket 'there you go' he said. I took the polos and felt that maybe I had this nailed. So I gave Denny a polo and took the lead rain again offering the horse another polo as reward if she moved. She moved, but it was the slowest horse movement ever seen. She was pretty much dragging her hoofs. I managed to get her from one side to the other but it was slow and painful, she had not really wanted to come with me, at all. At this point I was feeling uncomfortable and a bit frustrated. I was using techniques that I had seen other people use successfully and couldn't understand why it wasn't working for me. Derek asked me how I felt it had gone. 'Terribly' I said. 'I felt like I was forcing her to do it, I did feel like I was bribing her.'
'What could you do to be more successful do you think?' he said.
My head went @@!!!#*#*# I DONT KNOW!!!!!! JUST TELL ME!!!! obviously he wasn't going to do that so I had to come up with a solution.
'Oh sod it' I thought and then I ran, jumped and skipped to the middle of the arena whooping and hollering at the top of my voice. I had decided to be the goofy me, a massive part of who I am. I looked back at the horse and she was looking at me with her ears pricked, I had grabbed her interest. So I did the same thing all the way back to her and when I reached her I turned back to go to the other side with the same energy, but this time I invited her to come with me. To my complete surprise and delight she came. In actual fact, by the time we had reached the middle of the arena Denny was on her back legs jumping with me. When I spoke to Jo, Derek's wife afterwards she said 'you looked as if you were dancing together!'
I was elated. I had managed to get Denny to come with me because I was doing things the way I should have been doing them, not in the way I had seen others be successful. Not only that, I had managed to be successful with the energy that I had been told time and time again through life that I need to reign in.
In that moment, I realised that stepping wholly into who I am rather than feeling like I needed to be someone else, is where I will generate the most success.
I have, since then been supporting people to step into their flow, be it in a leadership, personal or team arena. What's Possible is all about enabling people to step into who they really are, to embrace all their wonky and use this to generate massive personal success.
I firmly believe that your 'Wonky Edge' brings forward the best parts of what makes you YOU.
It's YOU, after all that the world wants to see, The whole, glorious wonky version of you.
